Reverse Aging

I need to write more. So, today, I'm posting an article on how I'm reverse aging.*

I first noticed this a few years ago when I went out to buy new shoes. None of the shoes in my size fit very well. Apparently, my arches are increasing in height rather than flattening. Every pair of shoes I try feels like they have flat soles. Rather than speculate about how shoe manufacturers might be evolving their foot models to accommodate the average (flat-footed) person, I'm going to assume that my feet are becoming younger as I get older.

The second thing that seems to confirm my suspicion is the fact that I have to keep buying smaller and smaller shirts. In high school (when I was in better shape than I am now), I wore extra-large shirts, and they weren't excessively baggy. Now, I have to buy a medium shirt, and even some of those feel like I'm wearing a tent. Since there must be strict size-labeling standards for textile manufacturers, I can only assume that I am getting thinner at an alarming rate. In another 5 years, I'll be wearing small shirts, and 10-15 years from now, I'll be shopping in the kids section again. By the time I retire, my wardrobe will feature a lot of Spiderman and Diego graphics.

My kids have play phones that have big, colorful buttons, that allow them to interact with one of the characters featured on the toy by pressing a single button. It was a pretty significant step in my childhood when I learned how to recall and dial 7-digit phone numbers to speak to another person. Over the past decade, however, all the phones I use tend to not have the number buttons, and, instead, feature big, colorful buttons that connect you with someone by just mashing a general area on the phone. Clearly, the lady at the phone store is selling me toys rather than assuming I know how to handle a phone. I can only assume that I have the appearance of a small child.

The final straw is how I have perceived government and politics throughout my life. When I was younger, I thought the government should be led by people with a serving attitude; much like how Christ demonstrated positive leadership to his followers. My (ignorant) conclusion was that we should have conservative, Christian leaders in our government. As I get older, however, instead of becoming more conservative in my views, I find that I absolutely can't stand self-labeled Christians serving any role in public leadership. I identify more with liberal ideas every day. I want change. I want someone to rock the boat. And, I want it more as I get older. Winston Churchill confirms my belief that I am aging in reverse when he stated: "If you're not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you're not a conservative at forty you have no brain." Churchill was a smart guy, so I'm going to assume his assertion is an indisputable axiom of human behavior.

This evidence can only mean that I have the super-power of reverse aging.

* As extrapolated through my interactions with popular consumer products and media.